Wednesday, June 17, 2015

The Return to OkCupid

Day 1:
It's been less than 24 hours and I'm already getting tired.  Received 22 messages within a four hour time span and 1 million likes, just kidding ;) One guy was already calling me out on my physical location. OkCupid is a little creepy in that way where it shows the exact city you are in even if you say you are somewhere else.
For some reason in real life or virtual reality, whenever a really good looking guy hits on me it does not sink in. I'm mean I'm healthy and pleasant enough to look at however I was told by a homeless man that I'm a C- a solid C-. Granted I was going through one of my androgynous phases and I did have a cast on my right arm and walked with a slight limp from being hit by a truck so I get it. Then another time some other homeless men mentioned that I looked to be in my mid 40's which I didn't take so much offense to because I was wearing my wool scarf from Nepal, loose fitted collard shirt, arms rolled up, and a knitted purse. Why are homeless men my so critical of my appearance? Honestly no clue. I like to be fucking comfortable. I'm 29 by the way.

What brought me back to online dating? Lately I've felt emotionally and sexually shut down. I spent four months in India and let's just say I'm still reeling from that. In order to survive there from a single white female standpoint, you can't be yourself. You can't be nice. Most men think you're a whore because of how their country portrays western women in media and movies. You have to cover up not only with clothing but with a smile while a painful numbness takes over your insides. Granted I probably should have gone over there with a buddy but I didn't have that option and I refuse to be a woman trapped in fear. Anyway more on India later. I'm still processing.

I guess I wanted to give online dating another chance because I need something to shift out this stuck stagnant prison on my vagina. I've been hiding and I want to really fall back in love with life again. I have zero desire to have sex with anyone. No one turns me on. However, I've developed an over active masturbation habit. I don't want to just have sex. I want to make love and that's where the hard part comes in. I have this wonderful body, mind, and spirit that only I get to enjoy and that seems kind of selfish and sad.

As for OkCupid today I do have this little gem from a gentleman cracked a smile on my face (I love a good bad joke):

"And suddenly the math book was pushed in to the bag with the other books and the other books were disgruntled and asked him ..." You got a problem!!!". The math books answered..." yes you want to start one;)"